I originally wrote this a little over two years ago (though never sharing it publicly) — shortly after finding out about my friend’s betrayal. I realize that my blog posts may seem a bit like a stream of consciousness; but, I assure you, as I tell the story (throughout my next few posts), it will begin to make more sense. Or at least I hope it does.
I have no idea what my problem is. I asked for it (so to speak), and now I’m dealing with the consequences.
After much picking, prodding and fishing, my FWB finally admitted to sleeping with my ex-friend (initially, he claimed she only gave him oral sex – I didn’t really believe that, but quite honestly, it’s all the same to me). Those of you who read my blog can clearly see that this man is no prize, but I can’t help but feel betrayed — all around.
Additionally, if you read my blog, you’ve seen that I knew that my (former) friend lied about communicating with him, but it wasn’t until he admitted it that I had confirmation that they had sex (I figured as much, but I can’t go around accusing people without having facts and receipts to back me up). But now knowing the full story, I cussed him out, of course (though, he blamed me — like the sociopath that he is — claiming that all I treated him like was “a piece of meat”). I am not even going to dignify his weak attempt at projection with a response.
All of this said, I walked on eggshells about accusing my (former) friend of anything save lying to me (which really is enough); however, being armed with facts, I let her have it (via voicemail & text, since she didn’t answer my calls). I was not nice. Friendship notwithstanding, talk about sloppy seconds.
I cooled down a bit, and thought that a good night’s sleep (after several shots of bourbon) would help, but it didn’t. True, I woke up feeling a little less violent than I was feeling when I went to bed, but…
I keep having to remind myself that my FWB was just that. And my “friend”; well, with friends like that, who needs enemies?
I am devious when I’m angry. I was telling my sister about my evil revenge plans, and she told me to let it go and let karma run its course. She’s right, but that is not easy (in hindsight, I should have wholeheartedly trusted the Universe’s divine sense of justice).
So, here i am, pissed and powerless. My ex-boyfriend always used to tell me: “Life will show you better than I can tell you”. This is true for everyone and every circumstance.
But let me tell you – it’s sobering to make peace with the fact that I may never see karma’s revenge. And it sucks.