“What the eyes don’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve over.”– Some old saying…not sure who said it
While many people disagree with the sentiment behind the idea that what you don’t know won’t hurt you, I kind of buy it.
Life has shown me that there are many things with which my mind would’ve been better served not knowing. I could’ve saved my heart a lot of pain if I would’ve let sleeping dogs lie, so to speak. The mind can really fuck up a heart (and nerves — read: rumination and anxiety fueled panic attacks and sickness). Our minds are powerful…at times, to our hearts’ (and bodies’) detriment.
I am in no way condoning betrayal. I just don’t completely buy some people’s mumbo jumbo about the heart being able to feel every action that the eyes don’t see.
Especially as it relates to infidelity.
This may be my way of justifying (some people’s definition of) morally questionable behavior. That said, I have experienced situations in which I’ve found out about (the means of discovery are irrelevant) a partner’s infidelity. I can say, with certainty, that if the affairs were completely physical (and didn’t **produce a human life, or a disease), I may have been better off not knowing. This isn’t ideal…deception is deception. But, society’s definition of fidelity & commitment (in relationships) is relative.
This may be because I am a firm believer in the power of intention — not the hokey stuff you probably think of when you hear the phrase, but work with me here. Assuming that my hypothetical significant other was put (or put himself) in a situation that lent itself to solely physical gratification (provided it did not produce the things mentioned above), and there was no intention to hurt me or betray our emotional commitment, I’m not sure it would be worth me knowing.
Additionally, I feel that my partner should feel the same way about me and my actions (and intentions).
And being perfectly honest, I think that this is a conversation that should be had by every couple before any action has been taken. I am a firm believer in trust (because regardless of intention, being lied to, or intentionally deceived is a deal breaker for me). I am also a firm believer in choice. Give me the choice of deciding whether or not I’m okay with whatever you’re thinking about doing (that could potentially impact me or our relationship). I would do the same in return. Then…we are both armed with the information necessary to decide whether or not it’s acceptable to us, as individuals. Yay or nay? Stick around or move around? Acceptable or nah?
I speak from experience and from reason. And of course, what I describe is ideal. Lovely in theory.
I am not foolish enough to think that subjective things like feelings can be rationalized. But, commitment can be. We are human.
That said, I think the power of intention cannot be underestimated.
But, it has also been said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Maybe I don’t know shit.
Excuse me as I step off of my soapbox.
“The man who knows something knows that he knows nothing at all.” – Erykah badu, On and On
** Producing a human life, from an “affair“, is a topic worthy of discussion, at a later time.